What Happened With Jackson

I can't say that I've exactly been completely MIA since Jackson so
abruptly went to the Rainbow Bridge almost two months ago, but I haven't been as
active as I usually am, either here or on Facebook (or at work, or in my
real life, for that matter!) But I wanted to share what happened with
my pug friends--partly so y'all would know, but also for my own benefit. I can't tell you how much comfort I got from the support I got both here and on Facebook. I wasn't quite sure where to put this one-- but I wanted
to reserve the Remembrance section for a post that I'm still not quite
ready for. That one will be about him, not about his death. But
right now, I need to talk about actually losing him. This is going to be
long, so I apologize in advance.

When I got home from work on Tuesday, May 15, all of the other three
came to greet me from the back deck. It was a gorgeous day, so Byron had
the back door open, so they could run around from the family room to
the outside and back. Jackson didn't come running, and I didn't
immediately see him in the back yard. When I called for him, he had been
lying in a back corner of the yard. Although he likes to explore and
"hike" the yard, he hardly ever lies down down there at all-- preferring
a sunny spot on the deck, which is nice and high, so he can see
everything better. So that was unusual. But even more unusual was that
he just flatout didn't look right. He was kind of wobbly and out of it.

So I hustled down the stairs and over to that corner to check on him. He
perked up a bit, and walked with me back up the stairs to the deck, but
it wasn't his usual happy trot, and his tail was down, and he was quite
wobbly, and his back end looked like that of my foster Mary, or even
our neighbor pug Jackson, who is in a cart for his spinal issues. So I
immediately decided to take him to the vet. By the time I found my keys
and grabbed my purse, his front end was looking weak also, and he almost
fell over when he turned to look at me.

By the time I made it to the Urgent Care vet about 3 miles from my
house, he couldn't even stand. She did a quick examination of him, and
said that she suspected cervical spine things, and offered to start
working him up, but suggested I go to the actual ER vet, since they were
closing in 45 minutes and they only have an assistant there at night--
not an actual vet. So off to the ER I go, and the guy there was a complete ass. I told him what she
had said about lack of reflexes in both front and back legs and her
suspicions about the C-spine. He gets all arrogant: "Well, it takes a really
skilled surgeon to appreciate reflexes in the front legs, so I'll take
that for what it's worth." But his temperature was normal, and he started with blood work and an Xray,
which made sense, so OK.

The blood work was normal. On the Xray, his spine looked fine, but his
stomach was really full, and he thought that was putting pressure on his
vena cava and causing problems with blood flow to the brain. I
commented that I thought that was odd that his stomach was so full. How
does that happen when you only get fed a half a cup twice a day.

"Half a
cup? That's a lot for a pug!" I'm halfway through my explanation that both of
my pugs are at an extremely healthy weight and my vets are always
thrilled when they see that. That I vary between 1/3 cup and 1/2 cup,
depending on if they're looking a little scrawny or a little chunky...
when I realize: why the **** are we having this conversation
right now?!?!?! (He's just weighed him at 15.5 pounds, for goodness
sake-- the kid's simply NOT overweight!)

End up deciding to induce vomiting and see if that helps. The repeat
Xray showed somewhat less food in his belly, and Dr. Asshole thought his eyes
looked a little perkier, but I didn't see a lot of difference.

I
continued to suggest other alternative problems, which I'd been doing
pretty much since I walked in, which I'm sure annoyed the know-it-all
vet no end. Could he have gotten into something toxic? Not likely--
liver and kidney function were fine on blood work. Could he have been
bitten by a snake? Not likely-- we'd be seeing more localized symptoms.
Could it be a UTI, since I had suspected that over the weekend, even
though his urinalysis and blood work didn't seem to show it then? Not
likely-- his white count was fine on his blood work, plus his temp is normal.


Could it be a blockage, noting that he's my pug of dietary
indiscretions,
and that paper and fabric are 2 of his favorite food groups? Could that
be it? Dr. Ass said that although paper wouldn't show up on Xray, fabric
would, but it wouldn't look like what's in his stomach. What's in his
stomach looks round, like kibble (I agreed) and that he didn't see any
foreign body obstruction on either Xray. He did note that there were
some conditions in in which the sphincter from the stomach to the
intestine would shut down, and those wouldn't show up on Xray, either,
but he truly felt like he had just overeaten, and was going to continue
to digest overnight.


He asked what type of food he had been eating, and I told him that he
had been on Merrick Before Grain for the past few days, preceded by his
prescription s/d, preceded by TOTW, but that there had also been about a
day or two of The Honest Kitchen in there immediately after the recall,
when I was using up some old food and hadn't gotten a new one yet. I
was starting to ask if he thought it might be related to the TOTW
recall, even though it seemed like it was too far after that to have
been the case, when he pipes up with, "Why are are you going with all
that exotic stuff?" Well, the s/d has been a week every 2 months or so
for the past couple of years to keep his sterile struvites under
control, which has been working well. Outside of that, I didn't think
that any of the food options I had tried were particularly "exotic" so I
assumed he meant the whole grain-free thing. I started to explain that
although my guys seemed to do OK with or without grains, I have a foster
with chronic yeasty ears who I specifically want on grain-free,
and it's just a lot easier to feed them all the same thing. He starts
off on his "well, my dogs all get Purina ProPlan" spiel, when I again
realize: why the **** are we having this conversation right
now?!?!?!?!? Do you think that my food choices have created this
situation????? If not, then shut the **** up!!!!!

I note that I'm surprised, because his symptoms seemed so neurological when he was up and moving around. He again says he thinks it's from the full stomach causing circulatory problems. At any rate, he reitterates that he thinks Jackson will continue to digest
as the night goes on, and presents 3 options: 1) do a gastric lavage to
pump his stomach, 2) leave him there for observation, and come pick him
up in the morning to take him to my own vet, 3) take him home and take
him to my own vet in the am so they can shoot another Xray to make sure
he's continuing to digest. The gastric lavage seems extreme if he's going to continue to digest anyway, and I don't
want to leave him with Assvet any longer than needed, so we head home.
We're up for a bit, and Jax isn't doing well, but not really any
different from when we left the ER, so I take him to bed with me, on a
towel, hoping that he'll puke more in the middle of the night. I don't
have a great feeling about the whole thing, and I'm very scared that I'm
going to have to make a hard decision the next morning. But if I need
to help him to the Bridge, I know that I want it to be in the comfy cozy
room at my vets' with him in my arms. He's been panting and drooling
all night long, and as I drift off and wake back up periodically, Jackson isn't much
different.

Until about 4:30 or so, when I wake up and he's burning up and all
of his legs are quite rigid, and he's panting even more than he had
been. I immediately call the ER vet to let him know we're on our way
back in. Is there anything else I can do before I head in? I'm about 35
minutes away.) Nope, just get in here as quickly as you can. So I'm
tearing down the interstate, tears streaming down my face, singing
Jackson the silly song I made up for him when he was a puppy.

When I get to the ER, his temperature is 107 (normal is 100-102, which I
didn't know before, but he was a nice solid normal when he was there a
few hours before,) and the vet decrees that the rigidity is tonic
seizure activity. He tells me he can give him meds to try to break the
seizure activity and give him cold baths to try to get his temperature
down, or I can take him for an MRI the next day to see if he may have a
brain tumor, or he can just put him down. He presents that last option
in such a cold, deadpan manner that I just lose it. "If I have to make
that decision, it will not be here, and it will not be now, and it it will not be you! Go save my dog!"

He's able to get his temp down, although it takes quite a while-- about
45 minutes. He doesn't get any response, though, from two doses of
valium, and then can't give any more. I get to spend some time with
Jackson while he's still in the kennel at the ER, and finally, it's late
enough that my own vet will be opening by the time I get back to
Williamsburg. I load him up and call ahead to let the answering service
know what's up, and my favorite assistant calls me right back. When I
get there, there's a vet tech there, but the early vet isn't there yet.


I'm pretty sure that it's time for the comfy cozy room, and I dread it. I
tell him that, and he understands. He tells me that it may come to
that, but that it's too soon to make that decision quite yet. He wants
to let them monitor him and they'll call me. My mom takes me back to her house to try and get some rest. I get a
call about an hour or so later. It's the vet, who tells me that Jackson
is crashing. He's been on oxygen, and they're doing CPR. Does she want
me to continue? I tell her no-- to let him go, and I'll be there soon.
She calls me back almost immediately to let me know that he's gone.

I get there, and finally spend the time with my boy in the comfy cozy room and sing to him one last time. I'm shattered.

I still don't truly know what took him from me, and subsequent
conversations with the vet tell me that her best guess would be an
aneurysm or a fast-growing brain tumor. I've second-guessed so many of
my actions, particularly not letting him go sooner. I've got a lot of guilt there. But I simply
couldn't let Dr. Asshole take my baby from me.

So that's the story. I had to share it, to help me get past it. Thanks for listening.

Ginger, I'm so sorry to read about Jackson. I recently lost my Otto to a spinal problem - it had been gradually worsening, but over the course of one night (when he didn't do anything different than sleep on his bed - on the floor - as always), Otto was not able to get up or to support any of his weight even with us helping him. We knew the prognosis wasn't good, but never in a million years thought it would hit its worst in the course of 7 hours of sleep.

Could something like that have happened to Jackson, I wonder? We had to let Otto go, too, earlier than we wanted to because there was nothing that could have been done to help him.

Had Jackson been having issues with his spine in the months before this happened? Otto's problems were genetic, and he had a history of "scuffing" with his front feet as he walked (he'd developed calluses on the outside of both front paws by the time he was a little over a year old - that was the first indication of the problem). But he didn't have an elevated temperature or some of the other things you described with Jackson.

Again, I'm so very sorry to read about your boy - our time with them is never long enough.

PS: The emergency vet's comments and attitude are beyond excusable. Reminds me of the doctor 15 years ago who broke the news to my mother that dad had acute leukemia and would probably not survive the week (he did, by the way). Some people have the empathy of a great white shark.

That was heartbreaking to read, Ginger. I'm so sorry. I'm especially sorry that the vet was such an asshole in such a critical situation.

I'm so sorry, Ginger. And sorry that you had to endure an asshole at the ER.

Oh Ginger, what a heartbreaking ordeal! You did EVERYTHING right for your boy. You would be kicking yourself if you put him down not knowing what the problem was...especially with Dr. Asswipe giving you advice. Is he the owner of the clinic you took Jax to? If not, I think I would write a letter to the owners...and hello, a medical professional feeding Pro Plan? That's like a pediatrician saying my kids live on Happy Meals.

I am so sorry you had to go through this. Your boy decided when and where he was going to go to the bridge. Please take some peace in that knowledge.

Ginger,

I'm so sorry. What an awful situation & experience that must have been, and to have a caregiver who was so horrid would have made it even worse.

I don't have the words of comfort for you, as I know your heart is truly broken over losing him unexpectedly. I'm sorry, and I will never forget Jackson's sweet face.

Ginger, I think you are incredibly strong and brave to have written this heartwrenching account and shared it with us. Thank you.

I am just sick thinking about the asswipe ER vet. This is what scares me about medical professionals! You absolutely did the right thing by not letting him take Jackson from you. I would make sure I never, ever saw him again.

Ginger, what a sad post. I can't imagine having gone through that. But I know you did everything you could for Jackson to try to save him. I'm so sorry too that you had to deal with a vet with an incredibly awful bedside manner.

Ginger, you were a great mommy to Jackson and did everything you could. I'm sure he knew that and knew how loved he was.

I am SO sorry for your loss.

I'm very sorry to hear about Jackson, normally I try not to let emotions get to me but when you said you sang Jackson's song one last time hit me really hard as I too have a song I always sing to my stitch. First time I couldn't resist crying.

Imon wrote:Had Jackson been having issues with his spine in the months before this happened? Otto's problems were genetic, and he had a history of "scuffing" with his front feet as he walked (he'd developed calluses on the outside of both front paws by the time he was a little over a year old - that was the first indication of the problem).

Honestly, no. Sammy is a scuffer, and I've known since I adopted him that he's just plain put together badly-- lousy hips, bad back, weak shoulders. But Jackson's always the young, fit, and agile one. Even just 3 days before he got really sick, when I took him to the vet for a suspected UTI, the vet kept laughing when she'd look down at him. Her quote: "You've got the grey face of a 9 year old, but other than that, I'd swear you're an 8 month old puppy!"

He did develop a bit more of a hunched back as he got older, and he'd get more a downward tail when not feeling well as he got older, but all of his vet visits were never able to elicit any abnormal neurological symptoms or any pain behaviors, right up until the very end. Then everything neurological went all to hell.

I think the thing that made it so hard was that I had always considered him my young, "healthy" one. If it had been 12-year-old Sammy, who's kind of an anatomical mess, or 10-year-old foster Mary, who seems way more frail than 10.... I would have been very sad, but it would have been somewhat more expected. But to lose Jax in barely more than 12 hours just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Thank you all for your care and support. I've got an email in to Linda, the animal communicator. I don't know if she'll have any helpful information or not, but I think it will make me feel better.

Oh Ginger, I'm glad you are at the point of sharing a bit more about it all. I simply cannot imagine how often you've replayed everything in your mind, but you must know you did everything right for Jackson. I'm sure the whole thing is a blur, but honestly, I'm confident he wasn't in pain and that he knew how much you loved him. I'm glad you made the decision to not let him go where you were uncomfortable, and I am so sorry for the idiot ER vet. I wish I was closer and could give you a big hug. Thinking you and the pups.

So sorry. And to have to deal with Dr Asshole on top of all of that.

Oh Ginger, I am so sorry you had to lose Jackson and go through what you did. I can only imagine the panic and pain you experienced. The ones that go quickly and unexpectedly are the worst. Hugs to you.

In reading your description of what happened, what came to my mind was "bloat". I know this is rare in pugs and was probably ruled out by the xray, but wanted to share this thought. One of our neighbour's dog died suddenly from it last summer.

I am so sorry to read about the asshole vet!!!
I can't even complain about that...

I do know the pain and I am so sorry, they must be together (J&J) by now!

What a horrible ordeal. Second guessing will be there for a while it's just human nature unfortunately. Losing them to quickly and unexpectedly is the hardest type of loss in my opinion. One person told me something once that kinda of helped when I lost Kiwi at age 7. They never knew they are supposed to live to be 13 - 16 years old, only we do. They live their whole lives in the day, never thinking of the future. He will remember your love always.

What a horrible experience for you and what an asshole the ER vet is. You know in your heart that you did everything you could and you loved him like no one else could have and you were so lucky to have each other.

I am so sorry this happened. It sounds just awful for you. Continued thoughts of healing for you, Ginger.

I know how hard it is to do the "re-telling" and truly hope it helps ease the pain. Jackson was a wonderful pug and lived a wonderful life and sh*t happens unexpectedly...hence the bumper sticker.

We're glad to see you back online more

I am so sorry to hear about how everything happened with Jackson. Truly sorry you had to deal with the vet at the emergency office...he sounds like a real winner...grrr...

You are in my continued thoughts. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry for your loss and also for the ordeal you went through and the jerky vet who made it worse. It's good to see you back online.

Brenda wrote:They never knew they are supposed to live to be 13 - 16 years old, only we do. They live their whole lives in the day, never thinking of the future.

That is beautiful and so true.

I am very, very sorry for your loss Ginger.

PugLady3 wrote:

Brenda wrote:They never knew they are supposed to live to be 13 - 16 years old, only we do. They live their whole lives in the day, never thinking of the future.

That is beautiful and so true.

I am very, very sorry for your loss Ginger.

Yes, this is beautiful.

(((Ginger))) Thank you for being brave and telling us Jackson's story.
The high temp has me suspicious. Can dogs get some sort of spinal meningitis like kids can? I was also thinking a bug bite that turned toxic quickly.
I wonder who you can report that asswipe vet to??

I will light a candle for Jackson tonight.

Oh, Ginger, what an ordeal! You did everything right, and I am very proud of you for not going completely off on that jerk of an emergency vet. I love what Brenda said; it is so true. Huge hugs to you and prayers for Jackson and you.